2014 ONLINE WOMAN

from MY FRAGILE EGO by agv

/

lyrics

Have I wasted my life
What does it mean to waste time
What does it to mean to amount to something
Who am I trying impress
What standards am I living up to
Where did they come from
Why do I care so much
Why do I need you to like me
And I feel like on my own I will never be enough
I will always need someone to tell me
There’s something about me they can use
There’s something about me they can take some pleasure from
Or else why do I even bother
Putting myself through all the trouble
Of making it to the end of every day

I wish I knew what it meant to love someone
But it feels like all I know is loving it when I get the attention I want
I almost never get unreciprocated feelings
Because most of what it takes for me to like you
Is the way you like me

I was supposed to have things figured out by now
But I don’t feel much less naive
Than I was when I expected that
When I expected I would know what I wanted and I would be getting it
And somehow it would all just fall into place
But it’s always more messy
Always more messy than you want it to be
As if anything ever falls into place completely
And as if we would actually want that, because we want the messiness too, I can tell

Tell me what you want me to be so I can be it
Even if you don’t know
Just say something
I’ll keep trying until it works
I’ll come up with something eventually
Maybe one day
Maybe one day I’ll be satisfied
If I ever let myself
If I ever can ever silence the voices that tell me never to be satisfied
Because I know, in my heart of hearts
That there will always be something wrong
I learned that when I was young
And you can’t convince me otherwise

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from MY FRAGILE EGO, released March 20, 2020

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